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Families: Forums -
How Do You Deal with Conflicts in Your Family?

 

Reasons of Conflicts

Fights and Arguments

Who Makes the Decisions?

What Is Expected of the Parents

Private Space

Move Out or Stay at Hotel Mama?

Free at Last?

 

straw bale family

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Reasons of Conflicts

In every family, there are conflicts between the members of the family - often between the parents and the children. What are the reasons for conflicts in your family?

I think there are conflicts ,because the children break a rule or some children have no respect for their parents and do what they want even if the parents don't allow it.
S., girl, Germany

In my family, we're four: My parents, my twin sister, my two older brothers and me. My oldest brother just moved out a couple of weeks ago, so we don't see them as often as before. But before that, there often were conflicts just because of some stupid, unimportant things, e.g. my brother and my father almost had a fight, because they were wondering how a wing of an airplane works and they had different opinions...Silly. Of course there are some "ordinary" reasons, too, why we've conflicts, like I didn't cleaned my room up, or I 'm on the PC too often, etc.... That's annoying.
S., girl, Germany

When there´s is something i want so bad, but my parents will not buy it for me.
M., boy, Denmark

MY MOM!!!!!
F., girl, Denmark

In my opinion, conflicts are by the fact that children don't listen to their parents, have a mess in the room, don't learn, but also because parents require too much of their children and restrict freedom.
W., girl, Poland

Most of times we have conflicts because I want to go to parties at night and my parents think I'm not old enough to do it or when I don't make my bed or when I leave something in some parts of my house.
O., boy, Spain

 

Fights and Arguments

Every teenager has arguments or even fights with his or her parents. In your family, how far does this go? Is there a limit where both sides stop?

In my family always comes a time when it gets enough, it stops when I throw things at them.
M., girl, Denmark

Mostly, at first we just discussing Then me or my father or my mother almost always say: "Don't yell at me !" The answer always is "I'm not yelling!!!" and then, the fight starts... But it never escalates. It mostly ends when I leave the room angrily, go into my room and slam the door. The thing is, my dad and I, we're both VERY VERY unforgiving. And when we had a fight, we don't talk to each other for about one week.
S., girl, Germany

I`m very stubborn and my adults have their rules and there principles. The principles are sometimes very stupid, for example I don`t get a TV in my room, because my mother doesn`t want it ... SOMETIMES I'm very angry when they demand something that I don`t want to do or if I feel treated unfairly. Then sometimes I`m screaming and run in my room. Then no one can talk with me the whole day. It's difficult ...
D., boy, Germany

 

Who Makes the Decisions?

When it comes to important decisions in your family, do your parents ask you before they decide something? Should they ask you?

Mostly we are discussing first and then we find an agreement, but they don't ask me if they know the answer or when it's a matter of course. For example we have rules and we don't discuss about that because it's clear. I think that's O.K., I think that´s in all families the same.
M., girl, Germany

My parents always ask for my opinion, but they don't always listen!
E., girl, Denmark

My parents often ask me about my opinion. And often take it into account when deciding. They want most of the decisions taken jointly, so everyone is happy.
W., girl, Poland

When there're very important things to decide, we've so called "Family Councils" (name given by my mom) We all sit together in the living room and then we discuss and finally decide what we'll do. It's just family democracy.
S., girl, Germany

 

What Is Expected of the Parents

How do you wish to be treated by your parents? Do you want as much freedom as possible, or do you think they should also look after you and, if necessary, interfere with what you do?

I think that I have enough freedom. My parents look after me and interfere me when its necessary. I think it´s ok that children don´t have so much freedom like they want, because I think that they would just make mistakes if they could and they would notice it too late.
M, girl, Germany

I could use a little more freedom.
M, boy, Denmark

Everything has its good and its bad side. On the one hand, it's just bloody annoying if my parents want to be informed about everything I do. On the other hand it also would be terrible if my parents wouln't try to stop me if I was going to ruin my future because of having poor results at school or whatever. If my parents didn't care, I would just ruin my life just because of having a bad time in puberty ...
S., girl, Germany

 

Private Space

Young people who live with their family need some private space where the parents should not interfere. Does your family respect this? How much freedom and privacy do you have? How much should you have?

My father respects my private space as long as I do my tasks at home. Of course we make compromises when something is more important than the housework and that's okay. I have my own room, I can go out whenever I want, as long as my father knows where I am and with who I am. I have a lot of freedom at home and I think that makes you responsible.
S., girl, Germany

My mom doesn't give me much private space. She always wants to know who I'm texting with and such things. My dad doesn't care. He gives me all the private space I want.
M., girl, Denmark

My family absolutely respects my private space. I don't have any key for my room, 'cause I don't need it. That's great! I think, people in our age should have enough privacy , so that their parents can't control every single thing they do. And parents even always say: Young people should learn to take responsibility, don't they ? That better works if we have our private space and don't share all our private secrets.
S., girl, Germany

No they don't respect it. I only have a little of freedom but want a lot more.
F., girl, Denmark

I think I have enough freedom, not a lot but it´s good. They ask a lot about what I do, but they know when my privacy starts and must end their curiosity.
C., boy, Spain

My family respect my private space, but I haven't lots of freedom. Sometimes I think that isn't fair because my brother has got more freedom.
K., girl, Poland

 

Move out or Stay at Hotel Mama?

More and more, people in their twenties and thirties still live with their parents. When, do you think, is the best time to leave home and get your own apartment?

I want to move out as fast as possible. I think it's hard moving out from home while still being at school. I'm waiting for my boyfriend to complete his apprenticeship that we have enough money so that we are able to move together. I'll be at the university then and I'll be also working. I hope it's gonna be as easy as it sounds!
S., girl, Germany

I'm going to move out after the coming of age - 18 years. I would like to become independent as soon as possible. This doesn't mean that I want to lose contact with my family. Another option is a boarding school, which I've thought of for some time. This would mean that at age 16 I would have to "move out" to the dorm and deal with all problems myself. But it seems to me that I would get myself advice.
E., girl, Poland

I think I will move out when I have the money for it.
R., girl, Denmark

I think the right ages to move out is 20 or 19 because then you are grown up and can take responsibility for yourself.
C., boy, Denmark

I think first you have to leave home when you are ready for it it and when you can take responsibility for yourself, and when you have enough money to manage yourself without your parents.
S., girl, Denmark

I don't know when I will move out but I think I will do it when I will finish my degree. My house is very comfortable, and I love my family a lot. When I move out I will live with a friend in a flat.
P., girl, Spain

 

Free at Last

At what age do you feel you will be completely free from your parents? Or do you think you will always need them as helpers and advisers?

I think that I´ll be completely free when I start to work and don´t live with my parents (in one house), but I know that I will always need them because my parents often help me or advise me. I couldn't bring to mind to live without my parents, they're the most important thing in my life.
M., girl, Germany

I think you are totally free from your parents when you are 18 years old, but you can always use their advice and help :-).
A., girl, Denmark

I want to move out when I'll be 18, but I think I can be completely free when I'll have a good job, house and husband. But I think that parents will always be willing to help me, my parents are like that.

W., girl, Poland