What Relationships Mean in Our Lives

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Peer Groups: Forums -
Friends in general

 

Qualities in a Friend

Family or Peer Group?

Conflicts with Parents over Friends

Parents' Influence on Choice of Friends

How to Get New Friends

How Friendships End

Annoying Friends

Unusual Friends

Friendships and Success at School

 

Copyright: Stephanie Hofschlager, PIXELIO / www.pixelio.de

 

Qualities in a Friend

Which qualities do you find most important and attractive in a friend, and why?

Traits like being trustworthy and loyal as well as being sensitive towards you if necessary. It isn't essential but sometimes a friendship is made easier if you have a lot in common with each other, then you can get to know them better as a person, not just a friend.
D., boy, United Kingdom

A friend has to be honest so I can tell him/her all, funny so that we can laugh a lot, and helpful, so that she/he can help me in a bad situation.
S., girl, Germany

A very important thing for me is that friends must always be there for me. They must always have an 'open ear' and they should understand me in every situation. Another thing is that I can believe them. We should have a lot of fun together, too. I have a lot of good friends and I like them how they are. Friends are very important for me.
M., girl, Germany

That my best friend is how she is and she doesn't change for me. I accept she how she is. That she is honest to me and when she has a problem that she comes to me and speaks about it.
F., girl, Germany

I think that the thing which makes a friend "a friend" is that he/she has to know you, be honest, keep secrets, and respect you, and also influence in a good way and, of course, she/he has to know how to make you laugh.
J., girl, Spain

 

Family or Peer Group?

What seems more important to you, your family or your peer group? Why?

I can't compare them. I think both of them take a very important place, I love my family and friends!
Z., girl, Turkey

I also just can say that both are different and very important. I think with friends of your peer group you can speak about problems you won't discuss with your family. but also the family can help you with problems about friends.
D., boy, Germany

I dont think that you have to choose. I just think that you sometimes have to have the two separated.
F., boy, Denmark

I agree with you, I think that the family can give you a lot of things, and they will alwys help you when you need it. On the other hand, friends understand you better than your parents in some things, like girlfriends, parties, or some things like this. I think that all people need a family and friends, and if you do not have one of this you have a problem. I am lucky cause of I have all of them.
A., boy, Spain

 

Conflicts with Parents over friends

Have there been conflicts with your parents over the friends you spend time with or the peer group that you belong to?

No, I have never argued with my family about the time which I spend with my friends. Because I think I spend enough time with my family, also with my friends ...
Z., girl, Turkey

Oh yes, there have been many conflicts because I spend a lot of time with my friends and not so much time with my family.
H., girl, Germany

My parents have told me which friends they like and which they don't but they never stop me from being friends with anyone. I think they quite like my peer group at the moment.
M., girl, United Kingdom

My parents will never forbid a friendshhip but they will tell me when they think that someone has a bad influence on me.
S., girl, Germany

My parents think that I have good friends and they can sleep over anytime they want, because we don't make any trouble. My parents have also invited them when we go on small vacations, so they have no problem with me spending a lot of time with them.
E., girl, Denmark

No, but my parents say: We must see your friends which you go out with! Sometimes it isn't nice for me. It is stupid and silly if I say to my friend: Can you go to my home to say hello to my parents?
K., girl, Poland

My parents like my friends but sometimes they get angry because maybe we did something wrong.
P., girl, Spain

 

Parents' Influence on Choice of Friends

Do your parents influence your choice of friends?

I wouldn't say that. If I really like them it's okay for my parents. Just sometimes they get a bit worried that some of my friends could have a bad influence on me. They don't directly tell me but I know it's like this. But - I mean, whose parents don't have worries like this?
S., girl, Germany

My parents speak directly when they don't like my friends. Sometimes my mother forbids me to meet some of my friends, because she's afraid for me. But it's obvious that I'm a teenager and I'll meet them. I take into account what my parents think about my friends, but in the end I choose them.
E., girl, Poland

No, they don't. For me it doesn't matter if my parents don't like my friends but it's good if they do.
H., girl, Germany

No, they don't. If I like someone I can meet that person, but if we did something bad or if that person had a bad influence on me, I suspect that I wouldn't meet that person. If they don't like some on my friends they just say it discretely, but I don't do nothing with it. But in general my parents like most of my friends
W., girl, Poland

I always choose my friends by myself but the problem is when my parents want to meet them and my parents don't like my friends, so if I want to be ok with my parents I'll have to forget my relationship. But in general they don't meet my friends.
Reyes, S

 

How to Get New Friends

How do you get new friends?

in clubs....in school... in the city... there are many different ways!
D., boy,Germany

I try to be nice or start a conversation. I think it's important to show interest in a person..
S., girl, Germany

Maybe for some it is hard, but be yourself, be nice, frank and open to new knowledge.
W., girl, Poland

I get new friends from school, courses ... and also at Twinspace I get new friends.
Z., girl, Turkey

I just look for the person who has the same interest and hobby like me.
D., girl, Poland

First I have to meet that person so I talk to him/her and if we have the same hobbies, with time we start a friendship.
J., girl, Spain

 

How Friendships End

What things make friendships end?

Sometimes we get to a point where we've got nothing to say to each other. In my case, for example, my former very very best friend really changed - or I don't know, was it me? Anyway, From one day to the other we lost something between us. We had less contact, and one day we just stopped at all. It makes me melancholic to talk about it. Well, c'est la vie.
S., girl, Germany

I think friendships can also end if you move to another city.
B., boy, Germany

B., I agree with you but not in all. I had to move to another city 5 years ago. Some of my friendships really ended but true friendships are still there. I'm far from my friends and it makes that every moment I spend with them a treasure. Every minute which we spend together is more magical because we are happy that we can meet each other.
E., girl, Poland

It could be because of an argument or disagreement, it could be if you lose contact with them, or it could just be because people change and drift apart as they get older.
M., girl, United Kingdom

In my opinion, a true strong friendship never ends, but friendships can end because of lots of stupid things or for a very important reason. I've never lost a friend for a stupid thing, you know, but a few years ago, one friend (my best friend at that moment), I don't know why, sent me a phone message some weeks before the first day of school. The message said that she didn't want to be my friend anymore. That school year was the worst year of my life, because she still was in my school and my classroom. But now I'm better thanks to my old friends, and thanks to new friends.
L., girl, Spain

 

Annoying Friends

Have you ever had an annoying friend who you wanted to get rid of, but you found it hard to end your friendship?

On vacation some years ago, I met a little girl. She was about 8 years old, and I think she admired me a bit. She always wanted to hang around with me, walk around in the hotel, have lunch with me, etc. On top of this she was a chatterbox and talked to me ALL THE TIME. At the end she really was a pain in my neck, but I couldn't tell her that she'd annoyed me.
S., girl, Germany

I have some "annoying" friends. Sometimes I think why I'm still in friendship with them if they often make me angry. Maybe it's just an exam for my patience, haha! One time I met small girl on the playground. Of course I played with her some time and I wanted go to my home. And then surprise! I couldn't. She wanted go with me and never let me go. I was afraid of her! Sometimes people can be really scary in this. And why are these people are small girls?!
E., girl, Poland

 

Unusual Friends

Do you or did you ever have some "unusual" friends, like friends which are much older or younger than you, or having a different lifestyle (perhaps like Punks, Goths or whatever)?

Yes, absolutely, for me it's difficult to find people who are my age. Most friends I have are older or younger. I can better communicate with them. They can help me better, they understand me.
My best friend is two years younger than me. The youngest friend I have is 7 years old.
I accompany a second class at primary school and they would all like to be my friends. The oldest friend I have is 25. I found it good to have older and younger friends. Also, I have friends with different lifestyles. Some are punks, some are Buddhists, some are nothing at all.
What I would like to say is that I love to have so many special contacts. I see the world from different sides and have the chance to understand all outlooks.
S., girl, Germany

Yes, of course! My best friend is a ghost who is called Casper ... No, I'm joking. I have had very different friends. Once, I had a best friend who was 28 years old, two were skaters, another was a rapper, another a goth. Like S., I love to have friends who are special.
R., girl, Spain

I think that I have unusual friends, most of them are very crazy. I have friends from other countries. I have 4 best friends, one of these is N., she is seven years older than me and she is from Mexico. I think she is the best girl that I've met and she is rare but I love my best friend because she is rare and unique.
I., girl, Spain

 

Friendships and Success at School

What kind of influence do friends have on your school results?

If we choose wrong friendships for us, they always obstruct our success. They can say sentences like this: "It's not necessary to study for your lessons, let's go somewhere!" and we accept everything that they said because we think that they are our friends and we mustn't make them upset. Choosing friendships are very important for our lessons.
Z., girl, Turkey

I know that feeling very well, that I feel like I have to do something just because my friend wants me do it. But I learned that a person who quits you, just because you didn't do what he wanted you to, couldn't have been a real friend, could he? So nowadays I only have friends who influence my learning in a positive way.
S., girl, Germany

In my opinion my friends sometimes have an influence on my school results but of course for good. Why? Because often they help me in science, for example when in school during the biology lesson I don't know anything and I understand nothing. Such moments show me that my friends are very good people.
M., boy, Poland

In my case, when some friends tell me what I have to do, or what I have to study, what I should do first, I think: Is his/her opinion good for me? And if it's good, then I thank him/her, and I follow the advice, but if the opinion is bad, I always say: Thank you for the opinion, but I prefer to do it in another way.
All students have some friends that think that you don't need to study, or they prefer to go out tto studying for an important exam, but I think that if you have your opinion clear, you won't have any problems at school!
J., boy, Spain

My friends never influence my school results in a bad way. If I have exams I won't go out with my friends but sometimes they help me when I have a doubt before an exam or maybe I call them if I can.
R., girl, Spain